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 Whether or How to Say No Without being Rude

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phoenixgirl
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PostSubject: Whether or How to Say No Without being Rude   Tue May 08, 2012 7:19 am

It's been a long time since I posted other than the RP area. lol This might fit better under the General area since I'm not that upset about this issue although a little bothered. Basically, I'd like opinions on what to do.

Now anyone who really knows me knows that I'm a generally nice person despite that I can get upset now and then. But then everyone does, I think. That's what makes us all human. Certain idiots seem to forget that, though. lol But back to the point.

Recently, I had a situation with a friend over the weekend that annoyed me quite a bit. To give a little background information, my friend has a few younger siblings-youngest is in late elementary school-and she lives with her parents. My friend is quite a few years younger than me as well. I go to see her every Sunday at her place. We'd meet someplace else but she usually has to help her parents out so that's why. Anyway, over the weekend, her parents were cleaning stuff around the house since they're moving to another apartment nearby. They asked for my help which was fine. Basically, it was moving old clothes to a nearby recycling bin outside their place. Now my friend and I did get help from her younger siblings at first, carrying old clothes from the house to the recycling bin. However, one recycling bin became full and we had to move to another nearby. Then we had to move to another that was a little further away. Now when it got to that point, I thought that her parents were making us do too much work. The parents weren't even helping with that part. The siblings had abandoned the work as well, deciding to play outside instead. I told my friend that she should tell her parents that we couldn't move any more old clothes and that it was better to wait until the recycling truck came over to empty the recycling bins. However, my friend wouldn't do that. I don't know if she's afraid of her parents although I have a feeling that that might be a little of the case. This took over 2 hours to finally complete and well, one can only imagine how I felt by that time. I was tired, snappy, her siblings wanted to play with me when I felt annoyed at them that they didn't help-I did tell one of them to shut up at one point and I kind of did feel bad about that although in all honesty, they should have known better and left me alone.

Although her mom did apologize to me afterwards about the matter and did buy me dinner and all, I don't want this to ever happen to me again. I doubt that they'll ask me to do this again but just in case. In past cases, when I've tried to refuse my friend something, I try to be indirect but she isn't the one to understand what "no" means indirectly. Then I had to be direct but I didn't want to be blunt. I mean, based on past experience, I've never met a person who has been blunt but yet polite. lol Now I did tell my friend that day indirectly that I was never going to help her out with that kind of work again. My family doesn't even bother me with that kind of task since they know that I'm not a physically strong person and by my looks, I'm on the small side so yeah.

So here's what I'm wondering. First, should I talk to my friend about it and be direct about it, tell her that it bothered me that I was asked to do such a thing when I was technically their guest and not a family member? I won't see her for a week and I guess I should have been more direct in telling her how I felt then but I was pretty tired and when I'm like that, I just want to go home and rest. And if I should talk to her, how can I be direct without being rude? If I'm rude, my point will definitely come across but I don't want to end up with bad relations because of it. And also, I'd like to show some people that it's possible to be rude without being a, well, you-know-what. lol

Anyway, some suggestions or even just thoughts would be great. ^^

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PostSubject: Re: Whether or How to Say No Without being Rude   Tue May 08, 2012 2:18 pm

Hi phoenix,

I can certainly understand that situation that you are put into. I can get how it is like to want to tell someone something but not wanting to upset them.

However, I do think that you do have the right to get a little annoyed by what happened. I think you should tell your friend about it and I see nothing wrong with it. I mean, your friend should already guess that you were a little bothered by the matter. Perhaps you can tell her in a way that's more of a friendly reproach? That's what I would do anyways. Like, tell her that although you don't mind helping out, it definitely wasn't nice to let you do the tiring work alone without any help from the siblings or the parents. Perhaps also tell her that you do appreciate her mother's apology but you just want to point the matter out to her as a friend would do to her friend.

It wouldn't sound rude to me at all if my friend came and blamed me gently for a situation that I should understand and I am pretty sure that your friend will do that.

Just my two cents. ^^ I hope that you can get the matter resolved anyhow, phoenix, and yup, this sort of things tend to happen to all of us sometimes. lol

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Location : Somewhere in New Domino looking for the love of my life ^^
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PostSubject: Re: Whether or How to Say No Without being Rude   Wed May 09, 2012 12:31 am

Hi Love,

Thanks for the suggestion. I'll follow through on it. I'm feeling a little better now that some time has passed but I'll talk to my friend about it and let her know when I see her. Thanks again. ^^

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